Magnetic Personality
Make Them Smile
As I mentioned before, smiling at others is an important way to have a positive impact on people but I suggest a better approach is to try to make others smile. Some of you are saying, "But I'm not funny." That's fine. Making someone laugh is great but the truth is you don't have to make them laugh in order to be an effective people person, but you do have to make them smile. You don't have to be funny but you do have to be fun. You don't have to be able to tell jokes but you do need to know how to take a joke.
Being an easy going person who can make others smile is a priceless people skill that can make a world of difference in your daily relationships. The best way I know to make others smile is to talk about topics where there are opportunities to have fun. Usually when I’m around people, I love talking about their past experiences and future expectations. Rarely will I bring up bad politics or a tragedy that happened in the news. Where is that going?
Did they go on a trip recently where something funny happened? Ask them about it. Did you see a funny video on YouTube that made you laugh? Share it with them. I love drawing on the positive experiences that people have had. The exchange of funny stories and positive happenings are priceless. It is almost impossible for you to leave a negative (or even a neutral) impression on someone if you spent some time together having fun and talking about positive things.
More Ways to be a People Person
There are so many characteristics of an effective people person. With a few adjustments in your behavior and the way you react to others, you will begin to see the changes in the way others react to you. Try one of these techniques for 7 days and you will see how much of a difference it will make.
Make others feel important-Most people are so concerned with how they are perceived that they spend most of their time making themselves look important. That really stems from being insecure. The people who are truly confident at socializing have learned that taking your eyes off of yourself is the best way to get a positive reaction out of people.
Be willing to help- Watch for opportunities to help others every day. At work, school, or even if you see someone that needs help at the grocery store, offer you services somehow. The trick is not to ask them if they need help. Try just helping them out. Taking the initiative shows more genuineness in the act. Asking, “can I help you with that?” or “would you like me to..?” makes it seem more like you are obligated to assist them. When the opportunity arises to help someone, make the move.
Be interested in their interests- When trying to connect with people in a positive way it is best start with their interest. There are two major reasons why this is important. First you learn more about the person you are talking to. This is very important is you are in sales. You cannot make a sale until you understand who you are selling to. It is also important in social situations. You cannot build rapport with someone until you understand who you are talking to.
The second reason this is important is because this is a way to make others feel important. When you converse with someone about their interest, you build an understanding about the person and that person develops a bond with you because you have allowed them to share some of what is important to them with you. Win-Win.
Positive Paradigms (Leave them feeling better than when you found them.)-For some strange reason, humans love to dwell on the negative. The news is negative, celebrity gossip is negative, and when you hear co-workers talk about their jobs, family, or situations, it’s usually (you guessed it) negative. It’s easy to think about the bad things that happen in life because the good things are seen as unrealistic. But as a people person, you must learn to make others feel good by influencing them in a positive way.
Wednesday, September 29, 2010
Dealing With Difficult People and Avoiding Conflict
# Avoid discussing divisive and personal issues, like religion and politics, or other issues that tend to cause conflict. If the other person tries to engage you in a discussion that will probably become an argument, change the subject or leave the room.
# In dealing with difficult people, don’t try to change the other person; you will only get into a power struggle, cause defensiveness, invite criticism, or otherwise make things worse. It also makes you a more difficult person to deal with.
# Change your response to the other person; this is all you have the power to change. For example, don’t feel you need to accept abusive behavior. You can use assertive communication to draw boundaries when the other person chooses to treat you in an unacceptable way.
# Remember that most relationship difficulties are due to a dynamic between two people rather than one person being unilaterally "bad." Here’s a list of things to avoid in dealing with conflict. Do you do any of them?
# Try to look for the positive aspects of others, especially when dealing with family, and focus on them. The other person will feel more appreciated, and you will likely enjoy your time together more.
# However, don’t pretend the other person’s negative traits don’t exist. Don’t tell your secrets to a gossip, rely on a flake, or look for affection from someone who isn’t able to give it. This is part of accepting them for who they are.
# Get your needs met from others who are able to meet your needs. Tell your secrets to a trustworthy friend who's a good listener, or process your feelings through journaling, for example. Rely on people who have proven themselves to be trustworthy and supportive. This will help you and the other person by taking pressure off the relationship and removing a source of conflict.
# Know when it’s time to distance yourself, and do so. If the other person can’t be around you without antagonizing you, minimizing contact may be key. If they’re continually abusive, it's best to cut ties and let them know why. Explain what needs to happen if there ever is to be a relationship,
# In dealing with difficult people, don’t try to change the other person; you will only get into a power struggle, cause defensiveness, invite criticism, or otherwise make things worse. It also makes you a more difficult person to deal with.
# Change your response to the other person; this is all you have the power to change. For example, don’t feel you need to accept abusive behavior. You can use assertive communication to draw boundaries when the other person chooses to treat you in an unacceptable way.
# Remember that most relationship difficulties are due to a dynamic between two people rather than one person being unilaterally "bad." Here’s a list of things to avoid in dealing with conflict. Do you do any of them?
# Try to look for the positive aspects of others, especially when dealing with family, and focus on them. The other person will feel more appreciated, and you will likely enjoy your time together more.
# However, don’t pretend the other person’s negative traits don’t exist. Don’t tell your secrets to a gossip, rely on a flake, or look for affection from someone who isn’t able to give it. This is part of accepting them for who they are.
# Get your needs met from others who are able to meet your needs. Tell your secrets to a trustworthy friend who's a good listener, or process your feelings through journaling, for example. Rely on people who have proven themselves to be trustworthy and supportive. This will help you and the other person by taking pressure off the relationship and removing a source of conflict.
# Know when it’s time to distance yourself, and do so. If the other person can’t be around you without antagonizing you, minimizing contact may be key. If they’re continually abusive, it's best to cut ties and let them know why. Explain what needs to happen if there ever is to be a relationship,
2Nd
How to Communicate with People
* Confidence is very important for effective communication. People who have confidence in them can socialize in a much better way than people those who lack confidence.
* Eye contact is also very necessary for communication. It not only lends credibility to what you say, but also makes other people feel that you are interested in what they are saying.
* The next important thing is to show interest in communication. If you go on blabbering about yourself, no one would bother and the communication levels would dip. Being an attentive listener is the key to communicate with people. If you show keen interest in listening to the person you are communicating with, he would also listen to you when you speak.
* Open-ended questions act as an ice breaker and make interaction possible. Ask questions that require a person to elaborate. This depends a lot on how you phrase what you want to ask.
* Speak on topics of lighter weightage, as they would give you a scope to widen communication. Make sure you do not ask questions that require a straight yes/no as well, as they discourage communication.
* It is always advisable to listen twice as much as you say. Focus yourself on the topic of conversation and give undivided attention to it. Speak in between, to show your interest and add to the conversation, if you know the issue discussed well.
* For communication to take place, knowledge is very essential. You must have ample knowledge and information, in general, to indulge in intelligent communication. People who keep track of current affairs and indulge in a lot of reading and traveling are a delight to talk to.
* Self worth is also an essential factor of communication. Most of us are scared of rejection and thus, do not initiate communication. After rejection, we do feel not worthy of ourselves. No not let yourself be bogged by rejection, rather take it as a challenge that you have to overcome.
* Start with small conversations, at places of social interest. A good place to practice these new people skills is the office or in the store. After it becomes easier for you to speak with peers, try talking to people in higher positions of power, such as managers.
Confidence
Good people skills start with confidence. When a person has confidence, it shows. Confidence attracts others like a magnet because on some level, the attitude shows this person is worth the time and effort. A strong sense of self moves quickly past the small talk and invites opportunity to reach the heart of the conversation without wasting time.
When using effective communication, one of the most important rules to follow is to look a person directly in the eyes. People who lack confidence tend to avoid eye contact. Avoiding eye contact shows disinterest or in a worst-case scenario, dishonesty. When two people make eye contact, effective communication is possible. Eye contact also lends credibility to what you say.
Show Interest
Many people make the mistake of talking too much about themselves. Nothing kills a conversation quicker than rambling on about oneself. One of the best methods to learn how to communicate with people is to get them to talk about themselves instead of making them listen to you. This helps the other person feel more at ease and boosts his or her confidence. On a more subtle level, it creates a situation where the other person feels obligated to reciprocate. The indulgence of talking places a person in the position of returning the favor and listening to you.
The Art of the Open-Ended Question
One of the quickest routes to awkward silence is asking questions that can be simply answered with yes or no. By asking a question that requires a more detailed answer, the other person has to elaborate and offer as much information as possible. Why ask, "Are you enjoying yourself," when the question could be phrased, "What do you think of this party?"
Part of effective communication is learning how to phrase questions that make the other person think. One thing leads to another and in a short time, stories are shared and the ice is broken.
* Confidence is very important for effective communication. People who have confidence in them can socialize in a much better way than people those who lack confidence.
* Eye contact is also very necessary for communication. It not only lends credibility to what you say, but also makes other people feel that you are interested in what they are saying.
* The next important thing is to show interest in communication. If you go on blabbering about yourself, no one would bother and the communication levels would dip. Being an attentive listener is the key to communicate with people. If you show keen interest in listening to the person you are communicating with, he would also listen to you when you speak.
* Open-ended questions act as an ice breaker and make interaction possible. Ask questions that require a person to elaborate. This depends a lot on how you phrase what you want to ask.
* Speak on topics of lighter weightage, as they would give you a scope to widen communication. Make sure you do not ask questions that require a straight yes/no as well, as they discourage communication.
* It is always advisable to listen twice as much as you say. Focus yourself on the topic of conversation and give undivided attention to it. Speak in between, to show your interest and add to the conversation, if you know the issue discussed well.
* For communication to take place, knowledge is very essential. You must have ample knowledge and information, in general, to indulge in intelligent communication. People who keep track of current affairs and indulge in a lot of reading and traveling are a delight to talk to.
* Self worth is also an essential factor of communication. Most of us are scared of rejection and thus, do not initiate communication. After rejection, we do feel not worthy of ourselves. No not let yourself be bogged by rejection, rather take it as a challenge that you have to overcome.
* Start with small conversations, at places of social interest. A good place to practice these new people skills is the office or in the store. After it becomes easier for you to speak with peers, try talking to people in higher positions of power, such as managers.
Confidence
Good people skills start with confidence. When a person has confidence, it shows. Confidence attracts others like a magnet because on some level, the attitude shows this person is worth the time and effort. A strong sense of self moves quickly past the small talk and invites opportunity to reach the heart of the conversation without wasting time.
When using effective communication, one of the most important rules to follow is to look a person directly in the eyes. People who lack confidence tend to avoid eye contact. Avoiding eye contact shows disinterest or in a worst-case scenario, dishonesty. When two people make eye contact, effective communication is possible. Eye contact also lends credibility to what you say.
Show Interest
Many people make the mistake of talking too much about themselves. Nothing kills a conversation quicker than rambling on about oneself. One of the best methods to learn how to communicate with people is to get them to talk about themselves instead of making them listen to you. This helps the other person feel more at ease and boosts his or her confidence. On a more subtle level, it creates a situation where the other person feels obligated to reciprocate. The indulgence of talking places a person in the position of returning the favor and listening to you.
The Art of the Open-Ended Question
One of the quickest routes to awkward silence is asking questions that can be simply answered with yes or no. By asking a question that requires a more detailed answer, the other person has to elaborate and offer as much information as possible. Why ask, "Are you enjoying yourself," when the question could be phrased, "What do you think of this party?"
Part of effective communication is learning how to phrase questions that make the other person think. One thing leads to another and in a short time, stories are shared and the ice is broken.
How Introverts Communicate
# Keep energy, enthusiasm and excitement to themselves. Introverts hesitate before sharing personal information.
# Need time to think before they respond. Introverts need time to reflect before reacting.
# Prefer communicating one to one. People with introverted personality traits don’t like parties and groups as much as extroverts do.
# May occasionally think they told you something they didn’t, because they’re “always going over things in their head.”
# Need to be invited to speak or be drawn out. Introverts tend to prefer written over verbal communication
10 Tips on Talking to People
# Set a time to discuss big issues. This gives introverts time to prepare their thoughts.
# Let introverts talk – don’t interrupt. “It takes energy for introverts to start talking again,” says Dr Laney in The Introvert Advantage.
# Occasionally communicate in writing. Introverts may prefer written communication because it’s less stimulating.
# Ask questions, such as what happened during the day. Introverts may need to be drawn out.
# Give them a chance to talk. Offer silence, which may prompt people with introverted personality traits to share their thoughts.
# Be comfortable with silence. Introverts generally like it quiet – but they also enjoy spending time with others. Quietly.
# Repeat what you heard them say. Ask introverts if your summary was accurate.
# Use nonverbal communication. According to Laney, shoulder pats, hand holding, kisses on the cheek are effective ways to “talk” to people with introverted personality traits.
# Appreciate how much energy it takes introverts to be with people – whether it’s a group or just you. Show your appreciation.
# Get comfortable with a different conversational pace. Learn to value how introverts communicate - because it is different than people with extroverted personality traits!
# Need time to think before they respond. Introverts need time to reflect before reacting.
# Prefer communicating one to one. People with introverted personality traits don’t like parties and groups as much as extroverts do.
# May occasionally think they told you something they didn’t, because they’re “always going over things in their head.”
# Need to be invited to speak or be drawn out. Introverts tend to prefer written over verbal communication
10 Tips on Talking to People
# Set a time to discuss big issues. This gives introverts time to prepare their thoughts.
# Let introverts talk – don’t interrupt. “It takes energy for introverts to start talking again,” says Dr Laney in The Introvert Advantage.
# Occasionally communicate in writing. Introverts may prefer written communication because it’s less stimulating.
# Ask questions, such as what happened during the day. Introverts may need to be drawn out.
# Give them a chance to talk. Offer silence, which may prompt people with introverted personality traits to share their thoughts.
# Be comfortable with silence. Introverts generally like it quiet – but they also enjoy spending time with others. Quietly.
# Repeat what you heard them say. Ask introverts if your summary was accurate.
# Use nonverbal communication. According to Laney, shoulder pats, hand holding, kisses on the cheek are effective ways to “talk” to people with introverted personality traits.
# Appreciate how much energy it takes introverts to be with people – whether it’s a group or just you. Show your appreciation.
# Get comfortable with a different conversational pace. Learn to value how introverts communicate - because it is different than people with extroverted personality traits!
Communicate with People
They smile at you, appear to be friendly, seem to have it altogether and most of all they seem just a bit too overjoyed to see you as they put their arms around you. Chances are you have felt uneasy around them although they have a bright, beautiful smile on their masked faces. The politician, preacher, mother, friend or foe are masters at wearing masked faces. So what exactly is a "masked face"? It is a front, disguise or a well-rehearsed expression that appears on the face. Underneath it all these faces are crying inside. They are battling with past hurts, resentment, bitterness and anger. "I have to smile," they tell themselves. "Because I don't want the world to see my pain." As we all know, the world isn't kind to emotional people.
We are uncomfortable around a man or woman crying. We try to "make light" of situations. We say things like, "Shake it off!" or "It isn't that bad." When in all actuality what hurt people are going through is really bad, and it shouldn't matter what you or me think, if they or us have to let tears go sometimes, then let go. Ever wonder why people turn to drugs, cigarettes, alcohol, sex and food for comfort? Because the world tells them, "No one cares." Why would anyone want to share his or her deepest feelings with a world that doesn't care?
when they grab their cell phone to make a call, pick up the remote control to the television and turn it on, or go out of their way to start speaking to someone else with that annoying "wait just a moment" gesture. Then your left standing there wishing you had never opened your mouth, because you feel worse than you did before you started talking.
We are uncomfortable around a man or woman crying. We try to "make light" of situations. We say things like, "Shake it off!" or "It isn't that bad." When in all actuality what hurt people are going through is really bad, and it shouldn't matter what you or me think, if they or us have to let tears go sometimes, then let go. Ever wonder why people turn to drugs, cigarettes, alcohol, sex and food for comfort? Because the world tells them, "No one cares." Why would anyone want to share his or her deepest feelings with a world that doesn't care?
when they grab their cell phone to make a call, pick up the remote control to the television and turn it on, or go out of their way to start speaking to someone else with that annoying "wait just a moment" gesture. Then your left standing there wishing you had never opened your mouth, because you feel worse than you did before you started talking.
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